|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
shall i?panic, panic.
all i want to do is panic.
let it bubble over,
let tears spill out,
sob, whine in the back of my throat,
hands shaking, stomach twisting.
i want to panic.
i can't, can't panic.
these pills dull my system,
make me lethargic,
and really, i want to panic,
that'd be more normal for me.
that stupid feelingYou make me crazy
Sending me on this up
And down travel
You don't even realize
I talk to you
And my heart's coming up
And into my mouth
I can't focus
And my breathing is coming out
Labored as I try to control
That panic that you make me feel
And I'm giggling
Covering my eyes
And trying to hide
While trying to figure out
What the hell is wrong with me
And how I could feel this way again
You'll never return the feelings
Never think of me
In the many ways I think of you
And dream of you
But at least I have that
Who comforts me in the night
And makes me feel whole
If only until I wake up
changesi'm learning now,
that change can be good
or it can be bad.
but change doesn't have
to be finite. doesn't have
to be the death
of something good.
i know how i feel.
i live in a state of
the rational part of
me believes that
i'll never be abadoned.
the irrational part
tells me that everyone
else has abandoned me.
just know that i'm here for
you. i'll do anything
and i know you'll be here
i'll try to stop getting up
i'll stop acting like a
i'm not jealous. just scared.
very, very scared.
change can be good,
if we didn't change
as a friendship,
we've never be friends now.
we'd be stuck,
at ground zero.
but we're at the tippy-top right now.
maybe he could be more important.
but we're still friends.
so much like sisters.
that if he's more important,
we're still close.
i understand this now.
i'm beginning to
change is good.
and i'll be around forever,
even if you start
to go away.
quantificationi cannot properly quantify
the number of times you make my heart beat,
but sometimes you make it
skip a few times.
you've sunk so deep into my pores,
that it's hard to imagine which cells are mine,
and which cells are yours.
when i sit next to you,
it's like our souls mesh together
until they're one,
until we could never be separate.
it's just me, not you, at allI'm sorry for the way I act,
I know it pushes you away.
my mind won't stop
thinking of the worst.
until the anxiety grows and grows,
and I feel angry, for no reason.
I keep acting irrationally, and
keep pushing you away further.
it's the last thing I want,
I just need someone to understand,
that I don't realize what I'm doing
until it's far too late.
I'm sorry to you too.
I act needy, so you've said,
and get too easily offended.
but you've been there for so long,
and I'm just scared,
that you'll leave me like the rest,
because you don't like the person I've become.
I changed too much,
need meds to control my brain,
and then I just push you further
sometimes I just can't bring myself to breathe,
because I look too far into the future.
where you're leaving me,
for what I don't know, but that is the part
that scares me the most.
and I'll be alone in this world,
with no one but myself.
if nobody else wants me around,
I don't either.
cracks like crevasseswhen the sun sets, and dusk falls upon us, there's a blanket that sweeps over you. the rapid pitter-patter of your heart, and we're falling apart, aren't we? this is not the way i wanted it to be, but this happened, and you can't help but choke on the bile of your forgotten innocence. and i really hate you, for everything that you've done and never admitted to. this is our forlorn story, and i can't bring myself to forgive you for all of this.
i speak like i know what i'm talking about, even if the sting of defeat is looming right over my heart. i push forward and pretend that your prying eyes aren't wrapping around my neck until i choke. until i see sparkles in the corners of my eyes, and wrap my fingers around your throat, and i hope you can't breathe. i hope your deception digs you a grave and buries you alive.
i was okay, i really was. i was floating on a cloud, up in the sky. until it dissipated from beneath me and i was crashing back down to the ground. breaking and crumbli
messi'm a big mess.
i remember the thin skin
pulled across the bones
of your skinny fingers.
mascara slips under my eyelids.
i can't breathe.
need to breathe.
i love you.
miss you desperately,
it kills me.
no, i can't be happy
that you even lived.
because your body's
buried away in california.
you were under the sheet.
and i never got a proper goodbye,
as i sat with my legs underneath
and cried as i saw your hand peek
i got rid of the biohazard bag,
that they put your rings in.
papa shouldn't have given me
the bag back.
it destroyed me.
i can't breathe.
"why does she have to be gone?"
no one ever gives me
a good enough answer.
i didn't just die a little inside,
i was completely obliterated.
even when i say i'm alright now,
i know it'll never be just fine.
because, i can't breathe...
the things you doyou're terrible for me.
the things you do,
can drive me insane.
you ignore me.
i move on.
but when you start talking again,
my heart gives a few flutters.
it's back again.
and i hate you for it.
really like you for it.
FriendsFriends is a unique term.
I always wonder why i called people friends.
How can we give people name like that.
I been wondering that myself, but i know the answer.
Because we trust them, like, or have fun with.
No matter what the are great people.
They are the one that discuss each other hard time.
Sometime they are the one you fall in love with.
Go shopping with or even talk gossip with.
So the concept of friends is different from everyone.
Some are close and other aren't not.
And sometime you hate them and love.
No matter what they are.
They are still your friends.
Friend for ever and friends for life.
Female dogNow I’m an old dog, I’ve seen this old block.
So if you’d like to know, Miss Jane and John Doe,
why the new kid is something,
really off her rock.
I’m an old dog lyin’ down on a hot summer day.
I ain’t nothing but a hound dog
crying all the time, I suppose
But when I was ‘round her,
you’ll see why I’ve hid my nose.
She’s a spunky little puppy,
a cute one at that
Though she’s a fluffy young puppy,
I could swear she’s a cat.
Now a female dog.
That’s what assholes call ladies
who speak out their minds
Now a female dog.
is what ladies
call a female asshole.
So she’s a lying little cat
and at the same time,
she’s a dirty rat.
While she’s a female dog, she’s as courteous as a hog.
I don’t call her a female dog for no reason.
She speaks her mind, alright
but it’s not anything worth believing.
No, what she says isn’t sense or a worth a hark
After all, anything that comes from
Where I'm FromI am
from Faber-Castell and Prismacolors.
I am from the sunlight through the windows...
Luminous, nostalgic, it radiated warmth.
I am from the tulips
which withers in time,
but holds on to the smallest ray of light.
I am from mooncakes and noses,
from Moñen and Merlin
I am from the share the joy and keep it close
From family comes first and art runs in the blood.
I am from He is my refuge and my fortress
And love is patient, love is kind
To love never fails.
I'm from MaDocs and silver rings,
adobo and tofu
From the so-called distant cousin taken by the monster in the trees,
and the niece who never ate her vegetables.
I am from the crowded closet,
filled with stacks of ancient, decrepit photographs,
A shelf for the long gone
Another for the newcomers
And the reserved, for if calamity strikes,
We will treasure precious memories
HappinessIf you choose the right path
you will find happiness
If you choose the wrong path
You will also find happiness
but it won't last long
MemoriesThe smell of memories
is the perfume your mother used to wear
is your grandmother's copy of Black Beauty
is the blanket you held when you were sick
is the clean laundry on a Sunday morning
is the dust resting on family photos
The smell of memories
will never be
LucasOh how time does fly
Past us as a whisper
In the wind or in the
Breath of every mouth
It seems just yesterday
I heard you cry and cradled
You in my arms as
You were surrounded in
White like the angel
It seems just yesterday
You smiled up at me
And you laughed at
Although I cried
Tears of happiness
Which filled my heart
To the brim
The joy in your eyes have settled
It seems just yesterday
I held your hands
They were engulfed into my palms
You grasped my thumbs
And I taught you how to stand
Your blank expression and sudden
Laughter converted my cold heart
Into a blanket of the utmost warmth
Which exists only for you
Now you are of double years
And you do so much
Independently as you walk
You run, you jump, you swim
And you speak and laugh
You bring me happiness
That no one ever has
With your beautiful simplicity
And your simplistic beauty
Oh how time does fly
My love, so let it fly
In the direction you
AbuseWhat will beating do?
As he stands in his room
You're to blame
How could you do this
To your son
To a child
He didn't know, he didn't know
It's his fault
You screwed up
Quit taking your emotions out on him
No matter how big a mistake
He is y
Hit him again
Hear him cry again
Hurt him again
He's watch and He's listening
she told me she will be beautifultoday, she is going to paint herself
and she is going to sketch her legs out as thin as her pencil-tips
taking out the crumpled papers from her stomach,
and repainting her face, inking back a black-tipped smile
fresh on paint highlighted cheeks and damp on curven smiles
she is going to draw today,
"i am going to be beautiful."
The BeginningHe told them, of course. He told those idiots everything, the whole damn story, including the blunder he'd made, and its consequences. Looking back on it later, he realized he had probably been in shock the whole time. It made sense, anyone would have been.
Soph was about twenty years old, and he'd been that way for a couple of years already, ever since the Hoarde had started attacking humanity from the past. Every day that passed, they ate at another day in the past. It sickened him. Those creatures had absolutely no regard for proper time and causality protocols.
It didn't seem to affect anyone else that way, though.
The Hoarde was the result of a human creation, of course, like everything bad in the world, though no one else knew about them. Then again, no one else had undiluted access to the power of creation. Even he didn't know much about the Hoarde, only that they appeared through some tear in The Fabric of The World and started killing people off. They appeared at some point in
Keep in Touch!
Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More